I'm Just Really A Lazy Person

Action Research.

This is the thing that keeps me up at night,
That makes my head literally heats like a frickin' thermos,
And in general,
Screwed up my entire life for this semester.

I am a writer,
I cannot write trivial things,
Especially for assignments.

I'd be compelled to create long paragraphs,
Just because I don't like seeing it too simple.

But I AM A LAZY PERSON.
SERIOUSLY.
I WHINE,
I FAKE - MOTIVATE MYSELF,
BUT MOST OF THE TIME,
I GOT 5 % OF THE WORK DONE,
OTHERS I SPENT ON;
MOVIES AND SERIES,
BOOKS,
DRAWING,
SINGING.

Goddammit I need motivation!!

I'm stressed by the amount of works given to me,

But I have no plan of working on it,

Yeah,

I'm that kind of an asshole.

Queer As Folk - Michael and Ben

I'm done.
Just so done with everything.

And I found something that keeps me going,
Or at least,
Keeps me interested at and amused.

Which is,
QaF's cute cute cute CANON couple,
Ben and Michael Novotny - Bruckner!!!

They are sooo cute together,
I've watched QaF when I finished SPM,
Along with the soap opera "As The World Turns",
But at that time,
I didn't focus much on Ben and Michael,
Because I was a bit obsessed with the main pairing;
Justin (Sunshine) and Brian.

Now that I finally have the guts to watch QaF s4 and 5 again,
I realized what a hottie Ben is.

Brains + booty + attitude =  wins. TOTAL WINS.

I fell in love with Robert Gant because of his "Ben Bruckner" character.

And holy shet,
Hal Sparks (Michael) is so cute!
WHY DIDN'T I REALIZE THAT BEFORE?!
And his pair of whiskey doe eyes,
So similar like Dylan O'Brien's.

I really really like this couple.
They're not flamboyant,
They're caring (especially for their adopted son; Hunter),
They're the normal run-of-the-mills couple,
But damn,
That's all I want in life.

I loved it when they had difficulties dealing with Hunter,

Brian would go on and say,

"good job Mama Bear and Papa Bear".

I'm tired.
I'm tired and I can't take it anymore.
It's exhausting.
Everything is just too much.
Work,
Life,
Just breathing,
It suffocates me.

I miss you,
And I'm scared,
I'm terrified.

I'm terrified I'm not normal anymore.
I'm terrified that I won't be able to love again.
I'm terrified of living.

I miss you.
I miss you.
I want you back.

All this time,
It's you that hold me from moving on.
From falling in love again.
From being happy again.
From living again.

I'm just so..
So tired.

A Mother's Song

I've just googled songs about mothers and sons.
And I came up with T Carter's;
"A Mother's Song".

They usually play this song at a wedding.

But the lyrics enraptured me.
It was beautiful.

It is not a secret I've always wanted a son.
Sometimes I was scared,
He'll turned out to be like the black sheep in my family.

But I somehow managed to be positive.
What a bizarre thing,
Considered I'm a negative-minded person.
Huh,
Maybe my desire to have a son is too high.

"Be strong, be kind,
Be patient and in time,
You'll find out, my son,
What true love is all about

Be faithful and be true,
Show love in all you do,
Then you'll know just how,
You make your mother proud"

For my future son,

Know that no one else will ever know the strength of all my love for you.

After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside.

Home

Home.

At home, 
I don't need to pull up a cover,
I don't need to wear something eccentric,
I don't need to have my guard up,
I know where to go,
When to turn.
Which places to roam,
And I feel safe.

I'd go out wearing nothing but a black robe,
A puffy face without make up,
Sometimes not even taking a bath.

Because it is my home.
My hometown.
I'd know who to turn when I'm in trouble.

I know them by heart.
I know them because I lived here my life.
I know because I'd come back whenever things could go wrong.

Home.

I'd run away from every hellhole they throw me at,

And I'll come home,

Bruises,

Wounded,

Half dead even.

I'll come home.

The Girl Who Leaves

I was the girl who leaves.

"You get bored easily,"
That's what they say.

To them,
I move on too easily,
I reject calls too fast,
I ignored the texts,
I put the phone down and move on so simply.

To them,
I treat guys like they are flavors of the week.

But I used to be the girl who stayed.
Even when her heart got broken.

Because she broke her heart by loving the wrong person.