Disillusioned

No, I'm not okay.
But if I fake it all,
Or pretend that everything is,
And bury my feelings deep beneath,
Till I'm sure they're underneath it all,
It's gonna be okay.

I answer questions with another question,
Because if I lie,
It will be blatantly obvious.
If I answer truthfully,
I just doesn't want to argue.
I don't want to face arguments,
And I don't want it to be hurtful.

Such as piercing words.

So no.
I am not okay.
But I will not say it aloud.

Forgiveness? For What? Happiness?

What in the world should I be apologizing for?
FOR BEING HAPPY?
FOR HAVING SOMEONE TO LOVE ME?
FOR HAVING SOMEONE TO CALL MINE?
TO NOT WALLOW IN SADNESS AND SELF-PITYING FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?

I get what do I need to apologize for.
For not taking account her feelings and opinions in matter.

But do ask this;
Why do someone who kept silent about their lives,
Wanted to get on in with others' lives?

It's all in the same circle.
What goes around, comes around, buddy.

If you never share what's eating you,
But expects people to do that,
Isn't that unfair?

I really don't care anymore.

If someone who thinks they can do everything on their own,
Who could live on their own,
Who has THAT mindset for the rest of their lives,
Living that way,
Thinking about people hurting them,
And not them hurting others,

Be my guest.

I don't care.

You could live,
You could die,
You could turn the other cheek around,
Live your life,
And everything will be fine.

Whatever Suits You

What do you want,
Actually?

Is this prissy attitude of you,
Meant to piss me off,
Or you still cannot accept that I'm freakin' married?

Is it still about the room?
You think that me occupying the room,
Diminished your sanctuary?

If it is,
Fine.
I won't come home when you're there.

I need to know,
If this asshole-attitude of yours,
Means that you're trying to accept me and him,
Or is it permanent.

If it's just a phase of adjustment,
I'll give you time.
If you're thinking of being this prissy forever,
I can just treat you the way I treat the fucktard.

I'll just treat like you doesn't exist.

So which is it?

I know you feel like I'm dissing you out.

I'm not.

Just because I have to make him my priority,
Doesn't mean I'll love you less.

I've lost my best friends.
I've lost those who thinks,
When I'm married,
That it's gonna be game over.
That I don't worth the friendship any longer.
Are you trying to make me lose you too?

I won't love you less.
You're the one who think it like that.

I've always think,
If I have to love him 100%,
I'll just have to love you 110%,
And love Umi and Abah 1000%.

I don't know how to subtract in love.
I just know how to add.

So tell me,
Do you want time,
Or do you want to lose me?

Because loving you is hard,
But I still do.

Ignoring you,
Forgetting you exist,
Excluding you in everything,
To the point where I hate you,
That's easy.
Even though it hurts,
It's easy as closing my eyes,
And not seeing you at all.