One Step Forward

I'm getting engaged.

I'M GETTING ENGAGED.

Still hoping that would sink in.

I mean, 
The farthest I've ever been was "almost - merisik" from Rozairi's Mum.
And after that,
I just gave up.

I don't even know,
People kept commenting that,
"You'll meet someone you will never feel bored with",
Or,
"Someone who Allah knows will tried to be happy together with you."

I don't know yet.
So I can't tell anyone anything what we're going through.
We didn't undergo the couple phase ( nor we wanted to),
And went straight to merisik last week,
And in two weeks,
I'm someone's fiancee.

I was afraid I might be rushing things,
Because kakak Tasnim also has just been engaged.

The three inseparable - who - have - unhealthy - codependent - relationship trio.

But Alhamdulillah,

I feel at ease.

I know Allah knows what is best for me.

In syaa Allah,

Whatever happens,

I will accept anything with redha.

And I know he would need to take "someone"s heart too.

She's too stubborn to accept anyone since Syidi.

And I hope he will.

He's as crazy as we are,

After all.

I don't want to have to choose between the people I love,

So I'm hoping everything will go smoothly from now on.

And although I've read blogs saying the hardest voyage will be during the engagement,

Ours will be longer than Kakak Tasnim,

Hers is 2 months away from the Capital Big Day,

While mine would be, In Syaa Allah 4 - 5 months period.

May Allah ease everything.

Two more weeks.

AHAHAHAHA.

I need a therapy session, please.

Do You Really

Mum called last night,
Informing me that my fiancé-to-be,
Is coming this Saturday.

Why didn't he tell me?

Is this supposed to be a surprise or something?

Let me tell you about surprises.
I hate it.

I remembered when Syidi made a decision on his own to let me go,
Without discussing things with me,
Deciding my fate,
Our fate,
Simply because he thought it was for the best.

I started writing because of a broken heart.

I am so sick of people who claimed they love me,
But excluding me in making decisions,
Deciding on their own,
For what they think is the best.

If they loved me at the first place,
They would remember to include me.

I hate it.

Nur Tasnim's E-Day

Finally.
She has stepped the first mileage in becoming a wife.
My other half.

I'm happy.
I'm genuinely happy that I don't have to be concerned for her anymore.
I'm happy that someone will,
In syaa Allah come and love her more than we do.

But I've never experienced letting go before.

Ever since Tok Wan.

I mean,
Of course,
We've had weddings before in our family.
Abang Long,
Abang Ngah,
Abang Cik,
Tati,
Aten,
Kak Murni,
Kak Pia..
etc..

But she is not just our close relatives.
She is one - third of THE THREE STOOGES.

Me, Amar, Kakak Tasnim.

It was always the three of us.
From infancy,
Till now.

I'm experiencing a feeling,
Where a parent is giving her child to someone in marriage.
Friendly reminder that this is only her engagement.
I wonder how it will  feel when it's the real deal.
I'm so scared of people walking away.
I'm scared of letting go.