To Pass The Time

I am not that needy otaku shut in or anything,
But I do obsess with some.
But usually the oldies.

Lately I've been starting on Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles OVA,
And Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood,
To pass the the time,
Before I come home,
For Kakak's wedding.

The same thing I did when I was waiting,
For time to fly,
During my engagement.

I watched Shaman King day and night,
Just so that my eyes won't dart to the clock,
Or checking the calendars,
To see whether the days went by.

It's hard when you miss home so much.

It's Okay

It has been a challenging week.

I've lost my two best friends.
Granted,
It hurts,
But then, 
I gained a new one.

The one who will never wander,
Who I will have no qualms on kissing his face,
Or cuddle him till he's breathless,
A bestfriend that will be with me till the end,
A bestfriend that will scold me when I do wrong,
A bestfriend that will help me hide the body (along with my baby sis),
A bestfriend that will argue with me on the ride,
A bestfriend called "husband".

Because he'll be the center of my world.

It's okay,
Because I have him.

I always wanted a love life like Mary and Tim in "About Time".

It was a simple,
Silent love yet a profound connection between them.

I wanted to make it work with him.

In syaa Allah we will.

We didn't get three days starting yesterday,
Mainly because I want him to focus on his interview,
But Allah made me miss him so very much,
It's about the same par of missing my family and girls.

On our last talk,
I realized,
He said "I love you" three times,
Three days worth of "I love you"s.

I don't know how it's possible to fall further in love,
But I just did.
I've been broken for so long,
I hope this time,
He'll mend my broken parts,
And make it function again.

And right now,
There's an overflowing fondness for him.
For my fiance.

It's nice having you in my heart, 

Among my other beloveds.

The Price I Have To Pay

I'm losing them.

I'm losing my friends,
For a married life.

This is the price that I have to pay.

I think, 
This is Allah's way to show me,
That people doesn't stay,
No matter how important they are,
No matter how much you love them.

I'm not angry.
I used to understand this concept,
But I guess I forgot about it,
The more I mature  grow up.

I called Ricchan last night.
It's not Ricchan anymore.
He's not mine anymore.
He's Irfan.
Then where does that leave Amir then?
My Psyduck?
I thought he'd always be my partner in crime
The Wolverine to my Deadpool.
But I guess even friendship has its expiry date.
I wasn't ready for that.
I wasn't ready to let go off my sanctuary yet.
My girls?
I understand that I have a leader now.
But I never understood the part,
Where I have to leave my beloveds.

I don't want to leave.

And I see that the people that I put before me,
In anything and everything else,
Just live.
It's like removing a thorn,
After you felt that little prick,
You forget about it.

Allah knew I put my friends above everything else,
Other than my family.
It's a sacrifice I have to bear,
To start a family of my own.

So should I slowly,
Extricate myself from them?
Walk away in a hushed steps,
So they won't realize when I'm finally gone?

Is this a price I have to pay?
For loving other people more than I love myself?

On Allah's Words

It's been hectic with the wedding preparations,
And school lately,
I have two lives to juggle,
Couldn't maintain this one.

It occurred to me,
That everything is on Allah's words.

I mean,
Look at me.
Out of many many times I've been saying "No" to marriage,
When Allah opened my heart,
It all goes smoothly,
In syaa Allah.

Me,
The one who is prejudice and look at everything so negatively,
Who doesn't even want to let go of my single life,
Is starting a family of my own,
The first of my girls.

I've been consoling Kakak Tasnim for awhile now,
How things go south for her.
She was a 360 degree different than I am.
The one who wanted to get hitched as soon as possible.
But as the day counts,
She started having doubts,
And all of those negative vibes came on to her.

I guess it's different when you're prepared,
Or you just wanted to run away from your current life by being married.
I hope she can make it through this,
Together with Fabilal.

Because when Allah says "kun faya kun",
Nothing can stop it.