Freaking Out

HOW DO I WIFE???

No, seriously.
Not a rhetorical question.

How do I wife?
I don't know how to wife.
What if I suck in this wife business?
What if I fail miserably and humiliated myself?

What if I made a fool out of myself?

Is this really it?
Am I gonna end my lazy single life like this?
How do I take care of someone else?
I'm not even sane,
Or adult enough to take care of myself!
If I were to take care of a goldfish,
It'll die within a week!

I will accidentally kill my husband.
And will be sentenced to jail,
Probably for arson,
Or poisoning him.

Oh my Lord..

Oh my Goodness Lord.

Fine.
I'm already miserable my whole life.
They won't take anything from me,
When I already have nothing.

(No, don't go there, self.
You'll jinx things, again.)

Come hell or high water,
I will brave this with all the sanity I have,
Or what's left of it, 
Anyway.

The Wrong Calculation

When you thought the people who knows you,
More than you understand yourself,
Turns out to be a stranger,
What do you do?

I am so lost.

So,
This is it, 
Then.

I thought I had my priorities right.

I was wrong.

My first calculations were wrong,
From the very beginning.

I put others first too much,
And having small circle of trusted ones,
Made me rely on them too much.

Why did I forgot?

I am tired.
So tired of people come and go as they please.

I don't care anymore,
About people who doesn't want to be in my life.
I've lost those who mean the world to me,
And granted,
It hurts,
But I'm still living.

So this is it.

The end of the book starts now.
I have to plot the epilogue now.

Then And Now

Then:
I'm gonna try living with such positivity and optimism.

Now:
Oh, hey. I haven't killed myself yet. Sweet.

*~*

Then:
I'm gonna die alone, devoured by my 10 hungry cats.

Now:
My fiancé makes too many plans. I'm gonna sleep all day.

*~*

Then:
I'm not gonna get married. Marriage is an oppression against women.

Now:
I take back my previous prejudice. My future husband is awesome.

*~*

Then: 
I'm not gonna get stuck in Degree level. I have to go higher.

Now:
Resolution not changed.

*~*

Then:
I need sleep 25 hours a day.

Now:
I need sleep 30 hours a day.

*~*
Then: 
I wanna travel and live somewhere far.

Now:
I want home. Kelantan.

*~*
Then:
Heartbreaks are the most hurtful.

Now:
I survived heartbreaks. Well done, me! (Though not without scars)

*~*

Then:
Who cares about appearance? I'm hanging out with my girls wearing this GERKO shirt.

Now:
As long as no one detects my used shirt,  I am saved.

*~*