Void

I feel crap.
Marriage has taken its toll on me,
I guess.

I know it's not about give and take.
It's about giving without expectation.

But I guess I've been giving,
And giving and giving,
Till there's none left for myself.

I give my all to not just someone else,
But to the family I gave myself too,
I get scared for Harraz though.

He's too small,
Too fragile,
Too breakable.

And all people see is just an amusing tiny little thing,
That they want to coo,
Want to touch,
Want to held,
Disregarding his feeling,
And mine.

I get antsy when people come over,
I get agitated when they want to touch,
I get anxious when they hold him,
Because the one who bears the pain,
Will be Harraz and I.

I feel thankful for the help,
I truly do,
But sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole,
And stay there with my son,
Protecting him,
Sheltering him.

And in marriage,
It feels like I'm doing everything alone.

Alone.
Huh.
That word used to be my friend,
My malicious fiend,
My company.

I have Harraz.
He is my everything.
It takes a village to raise a children.
And I have a couple helping hands.
Except from the person I needs the most.

I am alone in raising him.
That's what I feel.