Again.

We have no mutual interest.
Nothing in common.

I am a bookworm.
A movie maniac.

He is a football-crazed person.

I fell in love with this person,
And I am scared if I fell in too deep,
I won't be able to let go.
Again.

And I am terrified if I love him too fast,
The feelings would dissipates with time.
And I will take it for granted again.

Even when I was in previous relationships,
I hold on to my heart too protective,
I have no qualms letting them go.

Because I was in doubt.

But I am scared if I like him,
He would have all my weaknesses,
And he could use it against me.

I am terrified that I pine on him,
Just because of the situation right now.

So please,
Don't make me love you too much.
I don't want to feel helpless again.

Before I focus on you,

My heart was already shattered to pieces,

And I had no plan to mend it back again.

You came and it makes me to want to start loving again.

I am scared.

Come Hither

I tried to close my heart.
Most of the times,
I succeeded.

I filled the emptiness,
With books,
With writings,
With songs.

I thought by making myself invisible,
People would not notice me,
Behind the corner of my class,
Behind my earphones,
Behind my cryptic words.

I hurt myself by not letting go,
I hurt other people by being indecisive.

I still wonder to this day,
Why would guys want me.
After they saw and hear the catastrophe I brought,
And still want to have me.

Even when I was alone,
I was happy.

I didn't play with someone's heart,
I didn't hurt someone,
I was in my own world.

I am scared of people trying to have what's left of me,
Trying to put pieces of my heart back together,
When I was so happy,
Even if it hurts.

I thought by scattering my broken heart away,
Lock it up,
And be this dark depressed person,
I would be happy,
Because you can't break something that is already broken.

They tried to put my heart back together,
So they could break it again?

Is that what it is? 

What The Absolute Hell?

He talks about marriage,
And I panicked.

I Goddamned panicked.

I'm not even ready for a relationship,
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GOING ON WITH MARRIAGE??!

I need to be alone.
I need to be far away from him.

I can't.
I'm scared.
No,
Just..
No.

No marriage.
No.

This Feeling

I thought by befriending someone who likes me,
Will make it better than went head-first into a relationship,
And resulting me breaking people's hearts,
Again and again.

How wrong was I.

I loved Ritsu.
I've always wanted to be like him.
But I'm more to Kisa.

In life,
I know what I want,
But then again,
I had doubts,
Second thoughts,
And "what if"s.

I am scared,
Of the people who likes me,
Will be a hindrance of me getting what I want.

I feel like it was such a stupid thing to do,
When I said I was thankful for the gift.

Look what happened to Zafik.
He couldn't let go.

And Chai.
He wouldn't give up.

And Aliff Afify.
I liked him well enough to be friends,
But then I don't really know,
Since when did I gave him hope,
Even when we are not in relationship.

I'm scared.
I'm scared of these people.
I want to be left alone.

Leave me alone.