Come Hither

I tried to close my heart.
Most of the times,
I succeeded.

I filled the emptiness,
With books,
With writings,
With songs.

I thought by making myself invisible,
People would not notice me,
Behind the corner of my class,
Behind my earphones,
Behind my cryptic words.

I hurt myself by not letting go,
I hurt other people by being indecisive.

I still wonder to this day,
Why would guys want me.
After they saw and hear the catastrophe I brought,
And still want to have me.

Even when I was alone,
I was happy.

I didn't play with someone's heart,
I didn't hurt someone,
I was in my own world.

I am scared of people trying to have what's left of me,
Trying to put pieces of my heart back together,
When I was so happy,
Even if it hurts.

I thought by scattering my broken heart away,
Lock it up,
And be this dark depressed person,
I would be happy,
Because you can't break something that is already broken.

They tried to put my heart back together,
So they could break it again?

Is that what it is?