Huh,
Weird when you have so much nothing to do,
You could end up with heaps of books,
And still finish it just in days.
Remembering when I was stuck with finals for this sem,
And I still haven't finished "The Confession Of A Sociopath",
Because lots of things.
A couple of days ago,
I panicked.
I wasn't in relationships,
But knowing that my existence meant something to someone,
It felt like a burden.
I don't want to feel it.
I don't want to fall in love.
I don't want to love another human being besides myself.
I guess I am still not capable of loving,
And being loved.
I want him to stop waiting,
Stop liking me,
Find someone else,
Because I don't want to hurt him further.
But he and Kakak Tasnim were similar to each other.
He knows this is all on him,
He would take the burden of loving someone,
Because he knows the risk of falling in love.
Kakak Tasnim explained the same to me.
Back to "Eleanor & Park",
I wished not to read that book,
Because it made me remember loving someone more than yourself,
A bittersweet teenage love.
How could someone who never existed in your life,
Became the one who mattered the most?
I guess Park never realized that.
I thought he would never know if he didn't offer Eleanor his seat that moment.
Why did her peculiarities makes him fell in love with her more?
Her weirdness,
Her sarcasm,
And he notices every single things that she doesn't.
The way she smells like vanilla.
He thought of her Joker-y smile was adorable,
While his friend Cal thought it was creepy.
And her.
The way she sees the world differently after meeting Park.
That her everything centered around him.
She feels like there are still some good things in this world except for her life,
Because of Park.
It's weird when you fall in love with someone,
You see other people don't.
And why does that only happens in books?
*sighs*
They met in the worst way possible.
He was ashamed of her, for her.
She was not.
She thought nothing of him, except for being an Asian.
And they became the world for each other.
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