Second Perception

I might have been too negative,
That this negativity blinded me.

To the point where I don't believe in love anymore,
To the point where I don't believe in marriages anymore.

And also this bad habit of mine,
Where I get bored with people,
And ditch them.

But today,
A small but important gesture he made,
Makes me rethink about my actions these past few weeks.

I was a total asshole.

Yep.

If men bought me jewelries,
Food,
Gadgets,
Clothes,
Accessories,
I would throw them out or ditch it somewhere in the box,
Where I would never see it again.

Just because.

He gave me a Paulo Coelho book.

I remembered telling him not to be too kind to me,
Not to shower me with gifts,
Because I would not know how to reciprocate,
I would feel burdened by the surprise gifts,
Like a weight being forced upon me.

Because when you have no relations,
Like lovers,
Or spouses,
Surprise gifts are just...
A burden.

And that's why I don't like it.
It's another thing if he's my husband.
I will personally take his wallet,
Or drag him to buy things for me,
Without remorse.

But we're nothing to each other,
No significant title,
And he has no obligations to buy me stuffs.

I don't want it.

But I loved the book.
It was the nicest thing someone could ever give me,
Because he knows books are my life.

And I probably should be less of a jackass.

There is a reason why I was (am) an obstinate, evil person.

A villain is a person who was not saved.