Living Is Tiring, How About Death?

We Muslims believe in afterlife.
Before the afterlife starts,
There are things that we need to redeem,
In the field of Mahsyar.

I feel like living itself is a test.
Not just the absence of love in my heart,
Not just living as a young adult,
Not just the temptation of the world,
Not even the annoying existence of Suryani.

Living is tiring.

But if living is tiring,
What about the eternal life?
How can I assure myself,
That I'm qualified enough,
To live leisurely in the afterlife?

I can't.
And that is the most terrifying thing I ever imagined.

I'm just a villain,
Whose story was untold.
We all are.